i'm not gonna write you a love song

[self-portrait, Winter 2006]

This one is for the girls. No... for the women.
The women who stand up for themselves.
The women who say no and mean it.
The women who walk away.

You can call me old-fashioned.
You can call me a prude.
You can call me whatever you want.
I don’t really care.

The only thing that matters is what I think I am.
I say I’m strong.
I say I believe in something.
I say I’m proud of it.


Long story short, I just cut off a relationship before it really started. Most would argue that it was an extreme measure to take, but sometimes, there are things that one just needs to do. He said he was sorry, and he said he never intended to make me feel the way that he did. I believe him– but that can’t change how he made me feel. When you’re made to feel cheap and disrespected, or that your only purpose is physical contact... even if that wasn’t what he intended at all (and he really didn't, he's not a bad guy), that feeling is horrible and it can’t just be shaken off.

Throughout my life, I have been hurt by people who were supposed to be close to me. For years, I let this happen to me, and I was unable or unwilling to stand up for myself. But now, I am finally at a point in my life where I will do what I need to do for me. I am so much stronger than I used to be, and I finally have to the courage to do what I did today. I am amazed at how far I’ve come in just a few years.

I’m going to catch a lot of grief for the decision I made, but I have to tell myself that it doesn’t matter. I just knew that I had to do this, so I did it. I did it for me, for my self-worth, for my sanity. It may not make sense to anyone except me, but in my mind and in my heart, I know I did the right thing.

Guys, please listen to me right now... to some of us women, even kissing is still a big deal. When we say we need to move slow, we mean it. When we say no to something, we are not really saying yes. There may not be a lot of us, but we exist, and we demand to be respected. My advice to you? Treat every girl like she could be one of us. Chances are, she’s not. But if she is, you will earn her trust and respect.

That’s all we ask.
That’s all I ask.
Please remember.


I learned the hard way
That they all say things you want to hear
And my heavy heart sinks deep down under you and
Your twisted words
Your help just hurts
You are not what I thought you were
Hello to high and dry
Convinced me to please you
Made me think that I need this too
I'm trying to let you hear me as I am
I'm not gonna write you a love song
-Sara Bareilles