you [haven't] found me

I am absolutely in love with the new song "You Found Me" by The Fray. The first time I heard it, I wasn't all that impressed. Now, I actually have no idea how I could have thought that way. This song is the type that I listen to with my head down on my desk when I don't have the energy to lift it, and still manage to move to the music, and lash out and hit the chair arm to the beat with the palm of my hand when the chorus crashes in. It's the kind of song that I play on repeat and feel a little empty when I finally have to turn it off. It's the kind of song that takes a buried feeling and puts it into words and rhythm.

I originally perceived the song as hopeful, as "being found" seems to be a good thing. Then, I really listened to the lyrics, and the tone is quite different. There are undoubtedly several ways to interpret it. However, I see it as being about a person who has been waiting for someone, and by the time that someone finally got there, the person was already broken. They could have been saved if someone had gotten there in time. I supposed it has a sense of twisted relief involved, because while the person is broken, at least they were finally "found." Despite that, the undertones of bitterness are evident throughout the lyrics. I think I can identify with it so much because it plays into a fear I have. The fear of ending up alone. The fear that I'll be too broken and bitter by the time someone finds me. The fear that no one will ever understand "who I am, who I'm not, and who I want to be." The fears that you don't want to admit, but might as well. You can ignore them, and you can function with them, but you can't hide from them.

Here's the song.
You Found Me


I found God
on the corner of First and Amistad
Where the west
was all but won
All along
Smoking his last cigarette
I said, where've you been?
He said, ask anything.

Where were you?
When everything was falling apart.
All my days spent by the telephone.
And all I needed was a call
It never came
To the corner of First and Amistad

Lost and insecure, you found me, you found me
Lying on the floor, surrounded, surrounded
Why'd you have to wait?
Where were you? Where were you?
Just a little late.
You found me, you found me.

But in the end
Everyone ends up alone
Losing hope
The only one who's ever known
Who I am, Who I'm not, Who I want to be
No way to know
How long she will be next to me

Lost and insecure, you found me, you found me
Lying on the floor, surrounded, surrounded
Why'd you have to wait?
Where were you? Where were you?
Just a little late.
You found me, you found me.

I've been calling for years and years
and you've never left me no messages
Never sent me no letters

Lost and insecure, you found me, you found me
Lying on the floor, surrounded, surrounded
Why'd you have to wait?
Where were you? Where were you?
Just a little late.
You found me, you found me.

Lost and insecure, you found me, you found me
Lying on the floor, surrounded, surrounded
Why'd you have to wait?
Where were you? Where were you?
Just a little late.
You found me, you found me.


Last night (or rather, very early this morning), a friend said this:
"We're just a bunch of lonely people looking for someone else."

How very true, and how rarely we succeed.

I'm still lost and insecure.
I'm still lying on the floor.
I'm still surrounded.
Why do I have to wait?
Someone's a little late.